The new Facebook 25 Things craze was one of those projects I decided to ignore because its popularity made it something that the middle child psychotic urge for uniqueness in me couldn't handle. But my good friend Emily decided to do it for me. She did a fairly good job, but I am going to post some corrections. I am doing this here because first, on principle, I do not write notes on Facebook. And second, I don't want Percy to feel the need to comment on me again. I don't even know him. Why was he laughing so hard that his stomach hurt? Why was he reading a note about me? I am considering a facebook restraining order on him...Anyway, my replies to Emily will be in Green.
1) I claim to be really bad at art, but in reality I'm quite talented. I am thinking about marketing my amazingly crafted clay Christmas ornaments. This true. I am amazing, but I just don't want people to have another reason to be intimidated by me. My stick figure drawings sell for millions and I am now in conversation with Hallmark regarding my hand-crafted clay Santa-being-eaten ornament collection.
2) I speak 10,542 languages. 10, 542.43 x the square root of pi, to be exact.
3) My 10,543rd language will be French, which I'm studying in my spare time. Bien sûr!
4) I claim to be bad at cooking just for the sympathy and free food. Really I'm a master chef and could easily beat Bobby Flay in an Iron Chef competition. You got me, Emily. But really I'm more like Jamie Oliver than Bobby Flay.
5) I secretly think that Big Fuzzy (Batata) is cuter, smarter, and more talented than Little Fuzzy. Absolutely false, of course. My little Fuzzy is so cute and amazing. He stays up all night by my door to defend me from robbers and terrorists and rude neighbors.
6) I lose Little Fuzzy at least 3 times a day. Slight exaggeration. More like 3 times a week.
7) To try to find out the truth about Little Fuzzy's gender, I searched for nipples. I couldn't find any, so I'm still not sure, but I call everything "he" anyways. True.
8) I like to break ceramic keepsakes from Poland. Emily, you were involved in this too. We were helping Anne pack, and to entertain ourselves, we were exuberantly singing Les Mis songs. In between songs, Emily told me to use the cloth on the table to wrap something in. I was still singing and I grabbed the cloth, intending to wave it dramatically with the song. When I did that, I flung a little ceramic heart that Emily had forgotten she'd wrapped up earlier across the room. It shattered against the cabinets, just as Anne walked in and I finished the song...It was beautifully choreographed, but Anne was not very happy.
9) Animals love it when I speak in a high-pitched, squeaky voice and threaten to bite off their heads. So true! Animals all love me. I am like the Horse Whisperer for hamsters and cats. They all just want to be around me all the time.
10) Even though I'm an "I," I like to run up to random women with babies and take the babies from them. The babies then cry, but I comfort them by telling them I'm going to squish their heads. Well, of course, I never say that to the mothers!
11) I love Christmas ornaments from other countries that have an abnormal amount of certain body parts. I really can't comment on this one. But Emily, if you want that ornament so bad, I don't think Anne would mind if you took it.
12) I wish I had my own pink ball to run around in. I have thought about this on occasion.
13) My favorite breakfast food is brown sugar. It's not exactly my favorite...
14) I HATE, and I cannot stress this enough, HATE fattoush. Emily, you KNOW that I never said that. I like Fattoush, I just prefer Tabouleh.
15) If I see any sort of Hello Panda product, I do a special little dance. Everybody who reads this blog, knows that is true.
16) I never tire of Brian Adams. That's because, with other singers, you feel tired, but with Bryan (you spelled it wrong, Emily) Adams, you never feel tired. Also, Bryan Adams can walk on water, fly, and move things with his mind. He will also save us all from global warming.
17) I can't walk normally through a grocery store. I have to cut through small spaces between the shelves and scare defenseless old women when I bust through the boxes of sweet n' low. I wanted to see if I could fit through, and I could! She was a bit surprised though...but I think she was more surprised by Scott snorting in the aisle.
18) I'm cold even when it's 130 degrees outside, but I'll go swimming on a windy day when it's 30 degrees. True. But people who use the AC during the winter are not normal. I got frost bite in the car the other day. Seriously, a piece of my finger is missing.
19) I have a problem whenever I go to someone's house and we eat on the floor. I like to step on the food and squish it around in my toes. I've tried to stop, but I can't! It's too fun! It was an accident!
20) I have a giant cut-out of the Rock in the back room...I put on "plays" where I am the damsel in distress and he comes and rescues me. I finally get to play the girl! Usually, the Rock and I fight the bad guys together. But he is awesome.
21) The Rock and I have also appeared in several musicals that we put on for Fuzzy. He is best as Marius opposite of my Eponine. Actually, I prefer to play Jean Valjean. He has more songs and speaking parts.
22) I like to pour scalding liquids on 3 year olds because it's funny when they grab their bottoms and run. Another accident and it wasn't scalding. At least, I didn't throw my cup up in the air, showing my friends how hot coffee freezes in Alaska.
23) My new favorite TV show is "Avonlea." The kids are so amazing in it! Yes, I like watching Avonlea like I like getting a root canal.
24) My favorite movie of all times is "The One and Only Genuine Original Family Band." It's even better than "Newsies." The only thing that could possibly make it better would be the Rock in the lead role singing "Dakota." The Rock would be great singing "Dakota," but The Family Band movie is one of those movies that they show to prisoners in Guantanamo Bay to make them talk. It is a good thing that Obama is closing down that evil place.
25) I'm for Bulgaria! Of course I am! I know the president!
So now you know. There are, of course, many many more fascinating things about me that you all wish you knew. Maybe some day I will tell you about them...
1) I claim to be really bad at art, but in reality I'm quite talented. I am thinking about marketing my amazingly crafted clay Christmas ornaments. This true. I am amazing, but I just don't want people to have another reason to be intimidated by me. My stick figure drawings sell for millions and I am now in conversation with Hallmark regarding my hand-crafted clay Santa-being-eaten ornament collection.
2) I speak 10,542 languages. 10, 542.43 x the square root of pi, to be exact.
3) My 10,543rd language will be French, which I'm studying in my spare time. Bien sûr!
4) I claim to be bad at cooking just for the sympathy and free food. Really I'm a master chef and could easily beat Bobby Flay in an Iron Chef competition. You got me, Emily. But really I'm more like Jamie Oliver than Bobby Flay.
5) I secretly think that Big Fuzzy (Batata) is cuter, smarter, and more talented than Little Fuzzy. Absolutely false, of course. My little Fuzzy is so cute and amazing. He stays up all night by my door to defend me from robbers and terrorists and rude neighbors.
6) I lose Little Fuzzy at least 3 times a day. Slight exaggeration. More like 3 times a week.
7) To try to find out the truth about Little Fuzzy's gender, I searched for nipples. I couldn't find any, so I'm still not sure, but I call everything "he" anyways. True.
8) I like to break ceramic keepsakes from Poland. Emily, you were involved in this too. We were helping Anne pack, and to entertain ourselves, we were exuberantly singing Les Mis songs. In between songs, Emily told me to use the cloth on the table to wrap something in. I was still singing and I grabbed the cloth, intending to wave it dramatically with the song. When I did that, I flung a little ceramic heart that Emily had forgotten she'd wrapped up earlier across the room. It shattered against the cabinets, just as Anne walked in and I finished the song...It was beautifully choreographed, but Anne was not very happy.
9) Animals love it when I speak in a high-pitched, squeaky voice and threaten to bite off their heads. So true! Animals all love me. I am like the Horse Whisperer for hamsters and cats. They all just want to be around me all the time.
10) Even though I'm an "I," I like to run up to random women with babies and take the babies from them. The babies then cry, but I comfort them by telling them I'm going to squish their heads. Well, of course, I never say that to the mothers!
11) I love Christmas ornaments from other countries that have an abnormal amount of certain body parts. I really can't comment on this one. But Emily, if you want that ornament so bad, I don't think Anne would mind if you took it.
12) I wish I had my own pink ball to run around in. I have thought about this on occasion.
13) My favorite breakfast food is brown sugar. It's not exactly my favorite...
14) I HATE, and I cannot stress this enough, HATE fattoush. Emily, you KNOW that I never said that. I like Fattoush, I just prefer Tabouleh.
15) If I see any sort of Hello Panda product, I do a special little dance. Everybody who reads this blog, knows that is true.
16) I never tire of Brian Adams. That's because, with other singers, you feel tired, but with Bryan (you spelled it wrong, Emily) Adams, you never feel tired. Also, Bryan Adams can walk on water, fly, and move things with his mind. He will also save us all from global warming.
17) I can't walk normally through a grocery store. I have to cut through small spaces between the shelves and scare defenseless old women when I bust through the boxes of sweet n' low. I wanted to see if I could fit through, and I could! She was a bit surprised though...but I think she was more surprised by Scott snorting in the aisle.
18) I'm cold even when it's 130 degrees outside, but I'll go swimming on a windy day when it's 30 degrees. True. But people who use the AC during the winter are not normal. I got frost bite in the car the other day. Seriously, a piece of my finger is missing.
19) I have a problem whenever I go to someone's house and we eat on the floor. I like to step on the food and squish it around in my toes. I've tried to stop, but I can't! It's too fun! It was an accident!
20) I have a giant cut-out of the Rock in the back room...I put on "plays" where I am the damsel in distress and he comes and rescues me. I finally get to play the girl! Usually, the Rock and I fight the bad guys together. But he is awesome.
21) The Rock and I have also appeared in several musicals that we put on for Fuzzy. He is best as Marius opposite of my Eponine. Actually, I prefer to play Jean Valjean. He has more songs and speaking parts.
22) I like to pour scalding liquids on 3 year olds because it's funny when they grab their bottoms and run. Another accident and it wasn't scalding. At least, I didn't throw my cup up in the air, showing my friends how hot coffee freezes in Alaska.
23) My new favorite TV show is "Avonlea." The kids are so amazing in it! Yes, I like watching Avonlea like I like getting a root canal.
24) My favorite movie of all times is "The One and Only Genuine Original Family Band." It's even better than "Newsies." The only thing that could possibly make it better would be the Rock in the lead role singing "Dakota." The Rock would be great singing "Dakota," but The Family Band movie is one of those movies that they show to prisoners in Guantanamo Bay to make them talk. It is a good thing that Obama is closing down that evil place.
25) I'm for Bulgaria! Of course I am! I know the president!
So now you know. There are, of course, many many more fascinating things about me that you all wish you knew. Maybe some day I will tell you about them...
my morning has just exploded into happiness. Thank you.
ReplyDeletemine too! haha...i think ALL '25 things' should be written like this. :)
ReplyDeleteWhy didn't Bryan Adams run for president in this past election?
ReplyDeleteI was told you asked me to comment...so I'm commenting.
ReplyDeleteno, seriously...i'll now be mature and comment.
ReplyDeletei have a new addiction to hello panda due to you giving mers and me some. in fact, PALEASE, please, pretty please, send or bring more, okay? please? i'll go running with you if you come visit us in San Antonio if you do :)
also, i spoke with oswald, and he is not a fan of your high, squeaky, girly, loud voice that you use with animals...just thought i'd pass that on to you.
so yeah. laters
I just read this, and I think I need to take a nap. Of course, you had to post this up in one of the boldest (tried and true) color combinations known to man (my inner graphic designer is convulsing). The words are now permanently burned into my retinas. I'll re-read it all as I try and sleep.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I suspect that #2 isn't much of an exaggeration.
It's amazing to me that you're an "I" and yet you love Jamie Oliver the most and Tigger the most. I think this means your future orphan husband is going to be super ADHD with endless energy.
ReplyDelete