Sudan is Better than You

I probably should have entitled this "Why Sudan Is An  Awesomer Place to Live Than Wherever It Is That You Are Living, Loser," but I thought that was a bit long. This post is mostly photos of awesome things about Sudan. I think you should all see this, so that you know how to plan for your next vacation. I also think the Government of Sudan, which should be carefully reading my blog now for security reasons, can clearly see from this post how much I love their country, and they should give me that multiple entry visa I am applying for.

So here you go. Reasons why Sudan is Better:

First, stop signs look better in Arabic. It is just a fact.

 Also, we have these.

And check out the great selection of creatively-named restaurants. Remember, that up until South Sudan's separation and possibly still today (the Office of Foreign Assets report on treasury.gov was a bit vague), Sudan has been under US Sanctions. Thus you will not find American chain restaurants here, but copyright law is also vague, so you can find many close "friends" of well-known American franchises.

I showed this one on Facebook, of course, but it is still one of my favorites. Not the best shwaerma I ever had, but not the worst:

Lucky meals are WAY better than Happy Meals. Plus you don't have to worry about creepy clowns.

Subday--Eat Fresh Food!-- at the Original Cheese-steak House. Suck it, Philly. 

Photo enlarged to show texture, and crucial sign details.

We have some great modes of transportation here. Observe the convertible bajaj/tuktuk/auto/rickshaw (whatever you prefer to call this ubiquitous 3-wheeled taxi):

Top down, shades on--enjoying the sandy Khartoum wind in their hair!

Also, the bajaj/tuktuk/auto/rickshaws in Sudan are badass. Don't touch.

Harley? Leather jackets? What's that? This bajaj is for tough guys in long white robes.

This salon has used the Rock's photo as an example of awesomeness, proving that they know exactly what awesome is:

These turtles chose to live in Sudan, so this must be a prime location for intelligent life. Also, I want one.

Who needs an Apple Store here? We customize our computers however we want. But this is the computer of the guy at the store where I bought a new cord for my MacBook Pro. Also, this is the third country I've been in when getting a cord for this computer and I now have 3 different plugs to use, one of which is very likely to fit in whatever outlet happens to be around.

I don't think we can really credit Sudan with this. This looks more like something we should blame Asia for, but I found it in the "Apple Store" where I  bought my computer cord.  Apparently, 3 friends move into an apartment over a secret spy base, and they get automatically recruited into the Biz. 

Totally Spies!! Totally Party!!

 Sand fortifications from the British back in the day--I think it's clear from this why they lost.

Crocodile skins. I knocked this off the shelf when I was looking at shoes, and when I put it back up, I accidentally touched the brain on the inside. That was not cool, Sudan.

I want one, but I want a live one swimming in a moat around my castle. Someday...

In Sudan we have this guy who sells legit used-swords in his antique shop. We are going to become best friends.

There is a horse blocking the street in our marketplace. You can't really see him, but he's there. Usually I find horses to be arrogant and evil, but the ones in Sudan seem to be less ferocious. This horse did not kick or bite anyone--another sign of Sudanese superiority.

We have this place, which smells incredible by the way: 

 I was wanting a better photo, but it's hard to get the one that I wanted--the point of this picture is that in Sudan when you want to get off the bus, you snap your fingers. I love it. I feel like a snobby princess diva every time. So fun.

Weather forecast often looks like this:

When the outside temperature is 100+ degrees,
 and your shower water is the temperature of the outside air,
you always have warm showers--if you have water.
Because sometimes you don't in desert nations.
That's why you're prepared with large buckets of water
 stored in your bathroom and kitchen, of course.

The above mentioned weather leads to beautiful floor dust-paintings observed here:

In Sudan we know the taste of "Special." Do you?

If you read Arabic, you can see that the flavor of this drink is "Special" in all languages.

These chips are technically made in Egypt, but they are sold in Sudan, which shows their excellent taste. There is no flavor of chip superior to "chili lemon." Also, in imitation of these chips, I made chili lemon Indomie--a Sudan/Indo/Rwanda hybrid (I used the second half of the eye-dropper bottle of hot pepper oil I got in Kigali). It was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Especially because they don't have mie goreng flavor Indomie here or kecap manis.

This was made in Turkey, and the flavor is inferior to Nutella, but the packaging is convenient for my preferred method of consumption: 

Also, one never has to paint one's fingernails here,
because after one henna appointment, your fingernails still look good.

Dresses like these are sold all throughout the marketplace. Note the strategically-placed spikes. The wearer of this dress will be protected from any unwanted…contact...

Finally (for now), Khartoum traffic involves donkey carts--always cool, though I do miss the Indian cows. They kept things interesting.

In conclusion, everywhere is awesome, and I'm sorry I called you a loser.